SPRING BREAK: MARCH 18, 2012

Oh. It's spring break? Already? (I don't even feel like I can relax...) ugh. Because I am NOT ON VACATION. And all I can seem to think about is my chem 120 class and my stinkin research paper. *eye roll* lol I feel like I'm five. I just want to be in the sun, reading a book, and listening to music...

I wonder what the beach feels like right about now.. It's nearly half past four so the sun must be pretty hot. I can still go outside here, I know. But sometimes you just need to get out, get away, you know? I want to get away, I want to flyyyy awa-ee-ayy, yeah yeah yeah!


Home.

Why am I here. All the noise. I need a long bike ride. I think I'll do that as soon as I get off work. I do need alone time. Maybe that's why I'm here.. for some alone time. I need a little more excitement in my life, I might do something crazy tonight :P. Well, I guess we'll find out what that something crazy is later.

 

I feel 

like I Am

in ruins.

Oh my Lord. I don't know what else I can possibly say besides, Oh my Lord. I just need some serious prayer. All of my feelings aside, I just hate failing the people in my life, but additionally, I hate failing myself. I know we all have to endure things for a little while, so I'm waiting on that 'Joy in the Morning' part. ha. At least I can laugh a little.

Breathe

Breathe

Every little thing. Is going to be alright.

Am I Really Alone?

So I know that Valentine's day is  near (and that is not EVEN why I'm writing this post), but I just don't think that I need a significant other in my life right now.

It just feels like lately everyone has been talking about their boy toys, and then they shoulder a look at me – the boyfriendless friend. I don't have a problem with it though! ... Is that a problem?

I was telling my friend Sophia today, about these guys that followed me and my friends to the gym (long story) and that one of them took some particular liking to me. Well now I see him everywhere – which I take as coincidence – and she thinks that it is a message sent from the heavens above, but I think he's just a player... Let's just say she helped speed some things up for us. She just really thinks I need some love in my life. However, I just don't see the grand importance in it right now?

I'M YOUNG! I have the rest of my days to find somebody. And I'll do it when I'm GOOD AND READY! 

But it's not just her. All of my friends are trying to hook me up (with their friends/ with friends of friends/ acquaintances/ with randoms!?). Like. . . I'm good guys, I promise. I mean I guess sometimes what it would be like to have someone, but I don't really know what I'm missing out on since I've never had that sort of relationship. I only know what my parents have showed me and what I read of books. Though I guess the latter doesn't count as a very reliable resource. 

All I can say is: "Everything happens for a reason, and everything happens in time. I simply like to think that God doesn't want me waisting my time with people that aren't going to make me feel like the most special piece of Heaven on Earth, and he's going to send over the right one when the time is right. In his own perfect plan. And I Appreciate that!" So to all of you out there (though I'm sure I'm the only one reading this blog) who are alone and not quite in the time of your life to be a girlfriend to someone else, it's okay! You don't have to. I'm sure they're fun and full of bliss, but if you aren't in one now... then they're not top on your priority list. Which also means that you shouldn't be worrying about it. I'm not. Well not anymore I'm not, I'm happy. And when the time is right I'll be happy with someone else.

So to answer my question: I'm not alone. I have my family and books and happiness to keep me too much company ;)

It's Time for School!

You hear it come from your mother's voice on early school mornings. The sky is not yet yellow, but a white-blue that the fog likes to stick to and make the grass all wet with. You wake up half mad (because you were mid-dream) /nervous (nothing to wear! Is there gonna be a cute boy in that class??) /excited (you're ready to get back to friends and a schedule), but that's only because it's the first day. By the third week, all this has become mundane and you are counting down the DAYS (not even weeks) until you get to summer.
I'm already there. I've only been to three days of classes. What does that say about me? Hmm. I dunno, but I don't want to have to think about all the books that I have to order for all of these classes. The online quizzes and assignments that I forget about because I don't get online to check my University email everyday?

I. CHECK. TUMBLR. &. FACEBOOK! 

But this year I'm going to do better. I'm going to stay on top of things and keep an agenda and remember to check my email. . . as often as I can manage. 

I've only 14 weeks left! Ha! That sounds pretty good doesn't it?

14 weeks til summer. . . And I can do this. . . Ahh, I can feel it. 

I know you feel that. It's the sun. And it's saying hello, just hold on a little longer. But right now, it's time for school. That's why I'm here. 

It's Christmas?!?!!

I know I'm a little late to the Christmas party, (as I usually am on a daily basis. It's an issue that I'm working on! But! Back to Christmas!) however, I just want people to stop and think about this day.

Jesus Christ himself!! came down from the heavens, wrapped himself in the likeness of sinful flesh so that one day we might be saved. I mean..... that just blows my mind??! I don't tend to think very highly of myself, so to imagine Our God (OUR GOD) coming to Earth to show the way and then lay his life down for me is Incredible. Me? Who am I? I'm just Alexis?! That girl down the street who babysits the Delahunt girls. The quiet girl behind the cash register at the local store. The one girl that can't seem to get anything right sometimes. I just. I. Words cannot even embody the amazement that I feel simply thinking of that. How Great is Our God. He is Awesome.

So to the anxious and restless and the over-anticipated hearts that woke up this morning wondering what the presents they got were: You should have been thinking about the One who put you on this Earth. Who breathed life into you and gives you the strength to carry on. We should have been giving thanks and worshipping his Holy Name. He is just an amazing God, and I feel abundantly blessed to be a child of God. I thank him for all that he has done in my life, and all that he is getting ready to do. I just wanna thank him for being God. Forever I will worship your name, Lord; that's why I'm here. Merry merry Christmas to all!! And to God be the glory!

Annoyed. ... . .. .

Wanna listen to me vent? Keep Reading!

My mother.....my family..... is killing me.

Not literally of course, but they are just getting on my nerves kinda/ a little = (a lot). I guess things have changed a whole bunch for me since I've been away at school, but (just like when I was in high school) I do not want to spend all of my time in the house doing absolutely nothing with my time. It's not fun for me. It's not fun for my sisters. And it's definitely not fun for YOU! I mean... you're the one reading this rant right now, aren't you? You're probably not having that much fun doing it.

When I'm by myself at school, I simply walk down the hall or the street to meet up with my friends and hang out you know, chill? Soooo, (just like I would do on any other normal given day) I wanted to see my neighbor who also happens to be a really great friend of mine, when I get a call that my mother wants me to, "get my hips home right now!". Why, you may ask. Well I didn't know either. So, I called.. My mom wants to know why I can't spend time with my own family.

'You go to work half the day and then disappear and don't come back until late in the night and nobody ever gets to see you anymore.'

'Why do you have to watch a movie over there? We watched a movie last week and all you wanted to do was sleep!' (b/c I work all..day...)

You need to come home and see us, because we wanna spend time with you too, Alexis. (Ughhhhhhhg Asdjckoiq*(5ojbun$%fbs;Slaksd&jfqwe' WHY THE GUILT TRIP!)

It has nothing to do with me not wanting to spend quality time with my family. Not at all. It is simply because: A) my sisters really want nothing to do with me. B) I will have mounds of chores to do because I'm sitting around. C) It is as boring as all get out. And D) I would be told to go do something and get out of the house because all I do at home is sit around...... This is my life people!

But I love them! I can't even put into words how truly blessed I have been to be put into this family, but I'm getting older. And this is just a part of the process, right? At least that's how I'm pretty sure it works. Tell me if I'm wrong! (But actually don't, because I'm ranting right now and feedback is not what ranting is all about *clap clap*) I just wanna do what I want!!! : /  But, I came home out of respect for my parents. I know they just love me so much is all.. I just. I.  I want to be my own independent, self-sufficent, self-reliant person now. An aDuLt! Maybe I'm not ready. I would like to think that I'm ready in my mind, but if the opportunity arose for me to put these 'self-dependent' skills to the test I would more than likely fail. So, I guess that's why I'm here. Blogging my feelings away. Gotta figure these things out one day. 

Still annoying though!

Self-Prescribed Therapy

I think it's good for people to have an outlet and truly express how they feel ya know? Even if it isn't out loud. Some people just really suck at saying what they really want to when it's important (like me!!). So that's why I've started this blog. I usually have a better time at saying things when I have the time to think about it and put it into the perfect combination of words creating almost poetry with every syllable that I choose. I just feel like when I write to myself, no one can make me feel stupid. . . I work better on paper – or on a blog ;) if you will. And so, I guess that's why I'm here.